Lead On, Spirit!
by Marauder-In-Disguise
Summary: A post Endgame, J/C, Q starring story! Everyone's favourite omnipotent being is tired of the way Kathryn and Chakotay refuse to sort their lives out and decides to do something about it...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK, a few brief things before we start. This is my first chaptered story so I apologise if I made a complete hash of it. For a long time, I've been wanting ****to do a post Endgame fic, a J/C decent ending and a Q story. So I thought, why not kills three birds with one stone and get the job done...oh, and there's a touch of 'A Christmas Carol' in there too. But no Christmas. You'll get the idea.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 'A Christmas Carol' (the title is a quote from that book as well) and I do not own Star Trek or any of the characters although, rest assured that if I did, there would have been a very different ending ******

**Dedicated to sophiedoodle, who is fast becoming a bad influence on me**

Three weeks after Voyager finally touched down on Earth, when the hysteria surrounding their miraculous return started to die down, Kathryn Janeway held a dinner party.

Since they returned, she had been living with her mother and Gretchen had offered to cook, knowing that her daughter was rather useless. Indeed, when she sent out the invitations, Kathryn made a point of letting her senior crew know that she wouldn't be anywhere the food during preparation.

_Thank god,_ had been Tom Paris' reply, _We don't want to survive seven years out there to be killed three weeks later by our captain's homemade lasagne!_

***

It had been an absolutely mad three weeks. Starfleet were reluctant to let any crew member go until they had been interviewed about their time on board Voyager and then there was the business of the former Maquis and, of course, Tom was still technically serving time. It had taken a while, during which the Maquis crew were held under arrest, but Kathryn, and Owen Paris, had fought viciously for them to be freed on the grounds that they had already served a considerable sentence by being stuck in the Delta Quadrant and serving as an exemplary crew on Voyager. When they had eventually had their charges dropped, there was the business of reviewing Tom's terms and having him freed on the basis of a sentence well and truly served.

At the same time, Seven was taken to Starfleet Academy for psychological tests to prove that she was no longer a danger to humans, despite her living and working on Voyager for three years and causing very little damage. Kathryn had enlisted the Doctor and Reg Barclay to make sure that Seven was treated well; they spent a week defending her to anyone that would listen. It took them long enough but eventually Starfleet decided that she wasn't a threat and could be very useful in the science departments of the Academy.

Tuvok had been sent to Vulcan the moment they returned to make sure that the treatment for his illness could start straight away. T'Pel contacted Kathryn a week later to assure that Tuvok was well and that they would both be coming to Earth as soon as the doctors had his treatment under control.

Most of the Starfleet crew, when they had been interviewed, were allowed to disappear back to their families and friends. Icheb, having no such family and friends, was invited by Harry to stay with him and his parents until his place at Starfleet Academy could be confirmed. It had been a great weight off Kathryn's mind to know that the youngster was cared for. The Kims were wonderful, caring people (if you judged by how well Harry had been brought up) and she knew that Icheb would be happy until they could sort out his education.

As for Kathryn herself, she had barely stopped. Her mother had hardly seen her, although of course she didn't complain. She could tell that her daughter was more than a captain to her crew – she was their light and their inspiration, and they needed her more than ever. When she wasn't making sure that the Maquis were being treated fairly, she was attending interviews and consultations and ensuring that Starfleet knew exactly how her crew had behaved in the Delta Quadrant. Somehow, she found the time to contact each and every member of her crew, check that they were well and assured them that they would hear from her again soon, as well as keeping tabs on her more vulnerable charges like Tuvok, Seven and Icheb. Whenever Gretchen did try to make her slow down, she got the same reply every single time.

"_Right now, mom, I'm all they have. If I don't do it, no one will. I'll stop when they are all safe and happy."_

***

Kathryn sat in her room, in Gretchen's house, on the Indiana farm that she had missed so much during their time in space. There was something so simple, yet so comforting, to hear the crickets singing outside the window as the sun settled behind the mountains. She carefully applied make up in between sipping coffee and glancing at the picture on her dressing table. When they had disembarked Voyager, one of the lucky journalists who actually got close to them had asked her to gather her senior staff for a photograph. She would treasure this photograph always – the look of pure, unchecked joy on their faces would sustain her forever. Even Tuvok looked quietly satisfied.

Putting her lipstick down, Kathryn picked up the frame and settled back in her chair to look at it for the thousandth time; she was stood in the middle, with one hand tucked under Tuvok's arm and the other under Harry's. To Tuvok's left was B'Elanna, proudly holding baby Miral, with Tom's arms wrapped around them both. The Doctor stood next to Harry and then Chakotay and Seven stood slightly to the side. They were holding hands. This part of the photograph always managed to upset her, even though she knew it was there and had been forcing herself to look at it every day.

After everything that had happened, Kathryn still wished that she had told Chakotay the truth. It tore her apart to think of the times that he had worn his heart on his sleeve, practically begged her to see beyond the constraints of protocol, but she had ignored him. She had no right to be surprised that he had given up and found another – she had, after all, hurt him so many times, but still there was a part of her that truly believed he would wait for her. Now she was back on Earth and starting to have time to think, he was always on her mind. During the first week back, she had been fighting for the whole Maquis crew, but it was really for him. It had been hard to remain professional during the panels when she had to defend him personally to Starfleet.

"_You have given us an honest account of Chakotay's actions, captain, which we are grateful for. Now, can you think of any other reason why he should be pardoned?"_

"_Yes," she had thought, "I love him."_

"Kathryn? Are you almost ready, darling?"

Gretchen's voice was loud, clearing her head a little as she hastily put the picture back on the dressing table, wiped the tear from her cheek and hurried downstairs with a final look in the mirror. She had been surprised that the dress she had worn for Voyager's official christening still fitted her seven years later. It seemed fitting that she should wear it now.

"Mom, that smells wonderful. How did I survive without you?"

"I don't know, darling. That Mr. Neelix has a lot to answer for, I imagine. Oh, Kathryn!" she exclaimed, turning from the stove for the first time, "You look beautiful."

"Thanks Mom. I'm not sure about this neckline though. I mean, I think I could get away with it seven years ago but now-"

"Ridiculous. The boys won't be able to keep their eyes off you. Especially Chak-"

"Mom, I've already told you. He's with Seven. He's happy. I can't get in the way of that."

The older woman noted the look on her daughter's face as she reached out to embrace her. Gretchen Janeway was an incredibly perceptive woman and she had known straightaway from her daughter's stories that there was something special about this Chakotay. In three days flat she had wheedled a full confession from Kathryn.

"_But I treated him so badly. Mom. He thinks he doesn't mean anything to me. I missed my chance."_

"_Don't be so certain, darling. Men like to act out if they feel like they are being ignored. It's not over yet."_

Kathryn was in no way convinced but she kept quiet – there was no other way to act when Gretchen Janeway got an idea in her head.

"Mom, please don't act strangely tonight, OK? This is just a dinner for my senior crew. We're all exhausted and we don't need any deathbed confessions."

"Whatever you want, darling. But you know that I'm on your side, don't you?"

With a weak smile, Kathryn hugged her mother, "Of course, Mom. But tonight is about family. You'll understand when you meet them all. They're a pretty special bunch of people."

"So you keep saying. I feel like I know them already."


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Kim, newly promoted to Lieutenant, was the first to arrive with Icheb in tow. Kathryn had decided that she couldn't invite Harry without Icheb so the invitation had been extended to the young man. Whilst Gretchen talked to the youngster, Kathryn and Harry talked about him in hushed tones.

"He's OK, I think captain. He's been a bit overwhelmed but my mom is enjoying having another baby to spoil so he's coming out of his shell," Harry murmured.

"That's good to know Harry. Thank you for looking after him. Oh and by the way – I'm not captain tonight, I'm Kathryn. No rank at my dinnertable."

The Doctor arrived with little fanfare next, an enormous smile on his face, full of reports from the Academy and from the work he and Reg were currently involved in. Reg was trying to get Seven a job at the Academy and the Doctor was currently getting used to working on Earth. Starfleet Medical was eager to look into how he had expanded his programs, with the hope that all their future EMHs could have the same opportunities he had.

Tuvok and T'Pel, fresh from the transport from Vulcan, were the next to arrive. The rest of the crew had been informed of Tuvok's illness and both the Doctor and Icheb were keen to know what his treatment involved.

"I get the feeling they could be at this for a while," Kathryn smiled at T'Pel, "Can I offer you a drink?"

"Yes please."

Gretchen joined them at the drinks cabinet as T'Pel filled Kathryn in on Tuvok's health.

"You may not have noticed, Kathryn, but the minute we got him amongst other Vulcans we realised just how anxious and tense he was. He is much better now."

"Yes, I was thinking that," Kathryn replied, watching as the three men talked with serious expressions, "Now that I haven't seen him for a while, he seems much calmer."

The quiet conversation was brought to an end by the arrival of the Paris-Torres clan. B'Elanna struggled in with Miral in her arms as Tom's voice rang out, "Harry, come and give me a hand buddy."

As Harry rushed out to help Tom with the various bags that seemed obligatory to come with a baby, the rest of the guests gathered around baby Miral. For many, it was the first time they had seen her since the day she was born. B'Elanna had refused to see any other doctor except their own. For the first few days, when she was being held in custody, the Doctor hadn't left her side. He took his role as doctor very seriously but his role of godfather even more seriously.

"B'Elanna, do we really need all this stuff?" Tom said as he fell into the room with two bags, Harry unable to stop laughing behind him with another bag.

"Yes, Tom, we do. Babies need stuff."

She turned to the others, "This is the first time we've been out to anyone's house that isn't his parents. Tom is still getting his head around the luggage."

There was no shortage of people to hold the baby, so Kathryn was able to pull the new parents away for a moment for a hug and a drink.

"So you are talking to your father then, Tom?" she asked, pouring him a glass of wine.

"Yeah," he smiled, the relief on his face obvious, "We had a really good talk and I think we're sorted now. We've been at his place almost as much as ours."

"I'm so pleased for you Tom," Kathryn smiled, "I think he really missed you."

"Yeah. I missed him."

"How are you, Kathryn?" B'Elanna asked, pointedly.

Noting the tone in her voice, Tom made his excuses and wandered away to talk to Icheb.

"What do you mean, B'Elanna?"

"Do you think that I'm completely stupid? You know what I'm talking about. How are you?"

Smiling weakly, Kathryn hugged her, "Surviving."

At that very moment, the knock on the door signaled the arrival of the last two guests. B'Elanna felt Kathryn stiffen and watched, worried, as she went to the door. In fact, she wasn't the only one. Only Tuvok, occupied with baby Miral, seemed to be oblivious to the slight hush that came over the room. He murmured to the enraptured baby, presumably in Vulcan because T'Pel was listening intently, and didn't watch Kathryn go to the door like the rest of the people in the room. Kathryn herself was painfully aware of it – it had never really occurred to her that her senior crew might have noticed her and Chakotay's behaviour over the years. Apparently they had. Of course they had; they were all intelligent, observant people. Too observant, some of them, and they had had enough time to realise what was going on.

Putting this worrying revelation to one side, Kathryn plastered a smile to her face and opened the door. Although she had been preparing for it all day, Kathryn wasn't ready for the wave that hit her as she saw Chakotay with Seven for the first time properly. Seven was dressed in a beautiful dress that was flattering in all the right places and he – he just looked as handsome as ever.

"Kathryn," he smiled, his face lighting up in that irresistibly adorable way, "It's good to see you."

He bent down and kissed her on the cheek and she thought that she might pass out right there. It was only her mother saving her by stepping in to introduce herself that gave Kathryn a chance to collect herself. As Gretchen led Chakotay away, raising an eyebrow in her daughter's direction, Kathryn turned and spoke to Seven.

"How are you, Seven? I hear that Reg is trying to get you a job with him at Starfleet."

"Yes. They believe that I have very useful skills."

The young woman hesitated.

"I want to thank you for defending me to Starfleet. I appreciate your support."

"No problem at all, Seven. I meant every word."

And she did. Whilst some people would be bitter towards the woman that had stolen the love of their life, Kathryn was able to look at it from a different point of view. Seven was the last person she would expect to pick up on anything that might or might not be about to happen between her and Chakotay. It wasn't her fault that she had blown her chance with Chakotay so many times over that he gave up on her. Seven had chosen him for all the same reasons that Kathryn loved him for. She couldn't resent her for that.

"Well, then, if everyone's ready, I'll serve the dinner," Gretchen announced, "Come on through."

***

The polite chat that normally is the standard fare of dinner parties was lost entirely on the senior crew of the Voyager. It was the first time that they had all been together in three weeks and, for many, the first time they had seen most of the others since they landed. Kathryn found it impossible to keep track of all the talk but was enjoying herself all the same. She dipped in and out of various conversations; her seat in the middle of the left side of the table was an excellent vantage point. Icheb was deep in the middle of a debate with T'Pel about something which even Kathryn was ready to admit she didn't understand. B'Elanna talked to Tuvok and the Doctor about the possibility of teaching posts at the Academy, whilst Tom regaled Chakotay and Harry with stories about Miral and his nieces and nephews, who he had met for the first time. Kathryn had been a little worried when her mother seemed to focus on Seven but soon reassured herself that the older woman was asking her nothing except about her experiences on Voyager. It was pleasant to try and listen to them all at the same time. Once or twice, Gretchen looked up and watched her daughter; she noted sadly that even when Kathryn was listening to someone else's conversation, her eyes were always on Chakotay. He seemed oblivious to this, for the most part, although he did look up and smile at her a few times, his eyes tracing her features when she looked away. Gretchen couldn't help but sigh and hope that they would both realise the truth before it was too late.

A light tinkling sound rang out and a silence descended over the table. Tom stood up, his face looking wonderfully younger and more carefree than he had looked for a long time.

"If it's OK with everyone, I would like to make a few toasts."

"Go ahead, Tom," Kathryn smiled, raising her glass to her lips.

"Well firstly, to Mrs Gretchen Janeway for this absolutely amazing dinner. All I can say is that I wish you had been with us!"

"Hear, hear," Harry piped up.

Gretchen blushed and patted Tom's arm.

"Secondly to absent friends. I think I speak for us all when I wish that Neelix and Kes were here with us. Neelix would have loved this."

"Without a doubt," the Doctor chipped in.

"And now to the more important matters. I don't have much to say-"

"For once," Chakotay interjected.

"But I think that the time is right. I would just like to say thank you to each and every one of you. When we ended up out there in the Delta Quadrant, I'm not afraid to tell you that I was pretty gutted. We all were. But now, when I look at those seven years, I don't feel like they were wasted. In fact-"

He looked around the table, "I think that they were the best years of my life. I made new friends," he put his hand on Harry's shoulder, "I sorted out my own issues," he nodded at Chakotay, "I learnt a lot," he patted Tuvok on the back, "I fell in love with the most wonderful woman in the universe," he quickly dipped and kissed B'Elanna on the cheek, "And I had the privilege of serving under the most, without a doubt, inspirational, tireless and fantastic captain that has ever been and ever will be."

He looked directly at Kathryn, whose eyes were already dangerously moist, "I want to thank you, on behalf of everyone. Not just for getting us home, because we never doubted that you would but to thank you for trusting us and showing us that we could all be better people than any of us ever believed possible."

He raised his glass.

"To Kathryn Janeway."

As one, the people around the table rose,

"To Kathryn Janeway."

"Oh Tom," she cried, freeing herself from the table and embracing him, "Thank you."

"I meant every word," he whispered.

***

Later that night, as each guest left they murmured their own words of thanks in her ear. Quite overwhelmed, Kathryn embraced them all, unable to speak for the best part of an hour.

When the only guests left were Seven and Chakotay, Gretchen suddenly remembered something that she had wanted to show Seven. Leading the young woman from the room, she nodded in Chakotay's direction. He was looking at framed photographs on the living room wall. Quietly, and quite unable to think of anything coherent to say, Kathryn moved to stand by his side. He turned to her, his heart skipping a beat as he couldn't help but acknowledge the daring neckline of her dress.

"Did I tell you that you look wonderful tonight?" he asked, his smile melting her knees.

"No," she murmured faintly, "I don't think that you did. Thank you."

"How are you, Kathryn?"

"Tired," she smiled, "But happy."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm home and my crew is happy. Why shouldn't I be happy as well?"

For a second, she could have sworn that his eyes clouded over but then straightaway they were back to the usual, warm expression that had reassured her so many times out in the Delta Quadrant.

"I'm glad, Kathryn. Who actually dared to dream that we would make it back?"

"I know that I never did."

"Even when you were telling us that we would be fine?"

"Even then," she nodded, "I'm good at hiding things."

They both realised what she had said at the same time. She bit her lip and looked away. Chakotay couldn't help but reach out and put a hand under her chin, lifting her head so that she had to look him in the eye. Her eyes said it all as they met with his and it was all he could do not to kiss her right there. But he had to be strong. She had made her choice. She didn't want that, no matter how his heart was screaming at him to do it.

"I never doubted you for a second, Kathryn."

"Thank you," she whispered, uncomfortably aware that neither of them had looked away for a long time; neither wanted to break the gaze. It was only the sound of Gretchen and Seven approaching that forced them apart at all. Noticing that her daughter seemed flustered, Gretchen took over the last goodbye. As soon as they had left, she turned questioningly,

"Are you going to tell me what just happened?"

"Nothing happened, Mom," Kathryn said, her eyes closed as though she hoped that she could burn the image of him onto her eyes forever, "I think that Chakotay and I just said goodbye."

"Oh darling, what happened?"

"That's the point, Mom. Nothing happened."

Her eyes snapped open briskly, "Come on, let's clean up now. I'm too happy to sleep."

Gretchen didn't argue – she knew that there was no arguing when Kathryn was in one of these moods – but that didn't stop her worrying. Gretchen Janeway had a lot more life experience than these kids, however much they thought they knew. It wasn't over yet. She just knew it.

Kathryn, on the other hand, managed to convince herself that whatever may have been between her and Chakotay had ended. It was time to move on, she decided. Maybe she could go out and meet some new people, maybe start a relationship with someone. It seemed like a good idea, apart from her imagination refused to acknowledge the existence of any man except him. Every fibre of her being cried out for him and she couldn't satisfy it. But he wasn't hers anymore. He'd spent the best part of seven years pleading with her to drop the act and she'd let him slip through her fingers. Her punishment was to watch now as he made a life with Seven. She would accept her punishment with good grace but no one could see what happened in her room at night. She let the tears flow freely as she cursed the missed opportunities.

"I love you Chakotay," she sobbed into her hands, "God, I love you."

Next door, Gretchen listened. Those didn't sound like the tears of someone who was getting over something. She prayed that both of them would see sense soon, for both their sakes.

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thanks for all the reviews so far everyone – I'm glad to know that you're enjoying it. So, here we go - I think it's about time someone turned things up a notch...**

_Two__ months later..._

The second that Kathryn woke, she knew that there was something odd about her bedroom. Averse to opening her eyes to the bright Indiana morning, she tried to work out what the problem was. She could just sense that there was something wrong but remained unable to work it out until she tried to turn over and found that she couldn't. There was someone else on her bed.

"Morning, Mom," she groaned, stretching and opening her eyes just enough to see the other person.

It wasn't her mom. It was a man. At least, it looked like a man.

"Good morning sweetheart," he drawled, "I made pancakes."

Snapping her eyes shut, Kathryn turned her back on him.

"Q, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Now what sort of a greeting is that?" the alien asked, the hurt in his voice fake and grinding on her ears that early in the morning, "I come all the way here just to check on you and that's all the thanks I –"

Unable to listen anymore, Kathryn slid out of bed, pulled on her robe and stalked to the bathroom, trying to ignore the delighted smile on Q's face. She splashed her face with water and combed her hair in an attempt to feel more human and then tried to escape downstairs without him noticing.

It didn't work.

"Where are you going, Kathryn?" he asked, jumping up and following her down the hall.

"I'm going to get coffee so that I can try and stand listening to whatever nonsense you have to say this morning. Kindly shut up until then."

Q grinned wickedly as he followed her down the stairs. Gretchen was in the kitchen making coffee when her daughter and a strange man in a Starfleet uniform came down the stairs.

"Kathryn, who-"

"Mom, you remember me telling you about Q?"

"Yes, of course. Is this-?"

"The one and only," Kathryn mumbled, pouring herself a large mug of the steaming brown liquid.

Q took her mother's hand and kissed it gently.

"Enchante, madam."

"You can cut that out," Kathryn snapped, sitting down at the table and resting her head in her hands, "What are you doing here?"

As Gretchen watched, slightly confused as to his presence, Q took a seat next to her daughter.

"I thought I'd drop by and see what this rust bucket you call Earth is really like," he said, a look of disgust on his face as he watched the cat eating something that looked suspiciously like a bird out in the garden, "And I must say, I'm not impressed. Why were you so keen to get back here?"

"You know why, Q," she said, "Now why are you really here?"

"I came to visit my favourite human, of course. But Jean-Luc wasn't home so I came to see you instead."

He laughed wickedly at his own joke, not seeming to notice that she didn't also find it funny.

"I had to come and see you," he said, "We're...friends."

"As long as that's the only reason," she said, feeling more like herself with every sip of coffee that she had.

"When have you ever known me to have a hidden agenda?"

With a genuine laugh of her own, Kathryn stood and headed for the stairs.

"I'm going to get dressed for work. STAY-"she said hastily as he stood too, "Talk to my mom. I'll be five minutes."

Throwing himself into a chair, Gretchen watched as the alien appeared to sulk for a few minutes. He really was the most extraordinary creature. Sitting down opposite him, Gretchen was surprised to see a serious look in his eyes.

"Why does she look like that?" he asked suddenly, his brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"She looks tired. And –she looks different."

Gretchen nodded slowly, "To tell you the truth, she hasn't been doing well at all. She throws herself into this new job and doesn't take breaks. She barely eats, she hardly sleeps. I've been so worried about her."

Q stood up and stood by the window to get a better view of the cat.

"It's his fault isn't it?"

Surprised, Gretchen was unable to think of an answer.

"Do you mean Chak-?"

"Yes. He's done this."

"How do you know about this Q?"

With a sudden grin, Q turned around, "They think they can hide things from me, you know. But I'm omnipotent. I know exactly what's going on. And I'm right. It's him."

"Yes," Gretchen replied, impressed, "They both need a kick in the ass if you ask me."

"Who is the bigger problem?"

"I guess Chakotay. It used to be Kathryn – she ignored him, you know – and now he's so scared he won't do anything."

Hearing Kathryn start coming down the stairs, Q jumped up and down rubbing his hands together, a beaming grin on his face.

"This is going to be fun."

"What is Q?" Kathryn asked, coming round the corner.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just _so_ excited about being on Earth."

"Mmm," Kathryn said absently, looking for her boots in the cupboard, "I'll believe that when I've got rid of you with minimal damage. Now I'm going to work. You'll have to stay here."

"No thank you. I'll disappear, if it's all the same to you. I might come back. It depends on if I find something better to do."

With a wink to Gretchen, Q vanished.

"Q?" Kathryn called.

His head appeared, "Yes?"

"It was good to see you."

"Obviously."

And he was gone.

"Did you have to put up with him much?" Gretchen asked.

"No," Kathryn smiled as she pulled on her boots, "Not nearly enough but don't tell him that. Bye Mom."

"See you later, darling. Do you know what time you'll be home?"

"No. Remember that I'm having dinner with Tom and B'Elanna tonight?"

"Of course. Don't work too hard."

Gretchen watched her daughter step into the transporter and disappear. She really was worried about her. There had been almost no mention of Chakotay during the day but at night, when she was asleep, Gretchen could hear her dreaming of him. Her daughter cried all too often for her liking. She was getting thinner all the time but refused to work any less and eat any more. As she began the washing up, Gretchen thought about Q. Did he have something planned? Strange and dangerous as he may be, she hoped that he did. Someone needed to do something and if it was left to a mad alien then so be it, as long as he didn't wait until it was too late.

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks for all the comments so far everyone, I'm glad that you're all enjoying it! Just to let everyone know that this story runs to ten chapters but don't worry because they are all ready to go. As a thank you gift to you all, I'm uploading two today. We've seen what Kathryn is thinking – I think it's time Chakotay got in on the act...**

Everyday, when he'd finished work at his new post of teacher of paleontology and archeology at the Academy, the first thing Chakotay did was go home, put on some running clothes and go for a jog around the water. The run helped to clear his head; he often left home with a problem and had it solved by the time he was done an hour later. Back on Voyager, he'd run on the holodeck if he had any time allocated and round the cargo bay if he didn't, but there was nothing to beat the fresh air that swept in from the sea around San Francisco and filled his lungs.

That evening was no different; it was late August and the air was warm as he stepped from the small apartment that he had acquired from a few that Starfleet held for staff. He lived alone – he and Seven weren't that serious yet – but probably spent more time out of his apartment than in it, whether he was at work, with Seven or visiting friends. Baby Miral was starting to recognise him, he spent so much time with her. It wasn't that he felt lonely at home but seven years on Voyager, surrounded by so many people all the time, meant that he couldn't bear to be alone for very long. The sun was perfect, not too hot, but mild enough to not need anything more than a light t-shirt. He began slowly along the wide path that ran around the bay, his speed building until he reached his steady pace. Now he could think. When he ran, Chakotay barely noticed other people unless they were right in front of him. Once, he'd run right past Harry without noticing that there was anyone there at all, let alone someone he knew.

Swerving to avoid a father who was holding the hands of two tiny roller bladers, Chakotay noticed, just for a second, a man sat on a bench. The funny thing was he looked like – but no. It couldn't be. Shaking his head a little as though to clear it, he settled back into his pace but, barely a hundred meters on, his eye was drawn to another man. He was dressed in a Starfleet uniform – that wasn't odd in itself, as officers often wandered through the park on the way home from work – but his grey hair and the way he stood just reminded Chakotay of Q. It wasn't Q though. Slowing down and turning round, there was no sign of the man. He'd disappeared. Chuckling at his own mild paranoia, Chakotay ran on. Q had no reason to be on Earth.

***

Falling exhausted in the door an hour later, Chakotay dragged himself up the stairs towards the shower. He had a bad habit of really beating himself up when he ran, pushing his body to the limit for no reason other than he could. The Doctor had always chided him about it, warning him time after time that his knees were soon going to give up altogether.

Stumbling into his bedroom to remove his running clothes, Chakotay's eye was drawn to the photograph on the chest of drawers. It was different to the one that Kathryn held dear – his photo came from the last Christmas on Voyager when the Doctor had an obsession with his new camera. Chakotay preferred this picture because Neelix was in it and because it just seemed more...more real somehow. It was them against the world rather than the world wanting everything to do with them. Despite the fact that they were so far from home, they all looked happy. Picking up the photograph, he gently touched Kathryn's face. Her smile was infectious but she was so burdened that they didn't get the chance to see it that often. It was special when Kathryn smiled. Sighing, Chakotay carefully put the frame back in the right place and headed for the shower. Wearily, he leaned against the snowy white tiles and closed his eyes, letting the stream of water run over him. He shouldn't be feeling like this. It wasn't fair on Seven. She believed that their relationship was going well and he couldn't find the words – or the courage, his mind snapped at him – to tell her that every time he held her, kissed her, all he was doing was imagining that she was Kathryn.

Because it was always Kathryn.

No matter how many times she pushed him away, he still wanted her, possibly even more, if he was honest with himself. For what seemed like forever, she was, and still was, his first thought in the morning and his last thought at night. If he believed for a second that she would have him, he would break it off with Seven with no thought at all.

"You're selfish, Chakotay," his conscience chided him, "Damn selfish."

And he was, because Seven was just a stop gap, someone to be with physically when his heart was elsewhere, because his soul was craving someone's touch. But he'd never told her that he loved her and he didn't think he ever would. He wasn't lying to her in the obvious sense of the word. He just needed someone, anyone, because the years of unrequited love had really done him some damage. You couldn't love someone with a broken heart.

Reaching for a towel, he wrapped it around his waist and padded from the room. Running a hand through his damp hair, he looked critically in the mirror. Seven years in the Delta Quadrant had really taken their toll but, at the time, he'd never really noticed. It wasn't until his sister commented that he looked older that he even realised that he was no longer the younger, fiercer warrior that Kathryn had captured all those years ago. She had mellowed him into the man that, in his heart of hearts, he had always wanted to be but never known how to become. For that much he was grateful.

***

"Well, well, this is a treat," Q drawled, lounging on the armchair in the corner of the dining room.

Unable to answer from sheer shock, Chakotay stood in the middle of the kitchen. He'd pulled on a pair of shorts and gone downstairs to make some dinner, only to find the alien in his apartment. So it had been Q earlier. He should have known he'd pull a stunt like that.

"Are you not going to say hello Chakotay?"

"Q, how-? Why-? What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, perching on one of the stools around the high breakfast bar.

"I came to visit my favourite Starfleet crew. What's wrong with that?"

Narrowing his eyes, Chakotay became suddenly and painfully aware that he was only wearing a pair of shorts. A slight flush crept up his neck from his chest and didn't, unfortunately, go unnoticed by Q.

"There's no need to feel embarrassed, Chakotay. We're all friends here."

"Why are you really here, Q?" he mumbled, trying to move the discussion away from himself.

With the very dangerous, slightly maniacal look that was normally associated with chaos when Q was around, the alien raised his eyebrows.

"I've come to solve your problem?"

"And what problem would that be?"

"You know," he grinned, standing up and wandering around the kitchen threateningly, "That little problem that you have been having for the last seven years."

"Q, I don't know what you mean," he lied, perfectly aware of what the alien was probably referring to.

With a dramatic sigh, Q put his hands on Chakotay's bare shoulders and looked him right in the eye.

"_Why _do you humans think you can play tricks with me? I'm omnipotent. I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Q-"

Chakotay didn't have time to finish his next question, because suddenly he wasn't in his kitchen anymore. In fact, he was somewhere that he didn't think he would ever be again.

Cargo bay two, the starship Voyager.

Slightly aghast, he turned to Q who was stood besides him.

"Would you mind telling me exactly what you're playing at?"

"Now that would be telling. I want you to work it out for yourself. Now, if it's all the same to you, we're going for a walk. Follow me."

And he wandered out of the cargo bay, trailing one incredibly confused ex starship commander.

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N I'm not too sure of this chapter, so if you don't like it, don't worry. I think it picks up again after this. It's time for Q to do his thing...**

It didn't surprise Chakotay, as they strode down the corridors of the ship, that no one was paying him any attention at all. Q must be showing him something rather than getting involved. That was a blessing at least – the prime directive generally took a bit of a battering when Q was around.

"Q," he tried again to get an answer, "What are we doing here?"

"Chakotay, are you familiar with the old Earth story of the good spirit that shows the grumpy old man the true meaning of Christmas?"

If it was possible for him to be more confused, he was at that cryptic comment.

"Of course. What the hell does that have to do with why you've got me here?"

With a wild grin, Q seemed to move even faster down the corridors, forcing Chakotay into a run.

"I'm the good spirit, Chakotay."

"And I guess I'm the grumpy old man?"

"Yes. Yes, you are. Now shut up and keep up."

They seemed to be heading for the mess hall; at least, they were if Q had any real idea of what he was doing. Just managing to match his pace, Chakotay searched the faces of the people passing by to try and grasp the time period in which he was currently floundering. Very little gave them away; Joe Carey came past looking pretty much as he had the day that he died, but then the man had never seemed to get any older anyway. His hair was always the same blonde colour whilst the rest of them were graying rapidly. When Kes walked past, hurrying in the direction of sickbay with a pile of PADDS and her wonderful smile, he knew that he was narrowing it down. It wasn't until Seska, chatting animatedly with Ayala came round the corner that he was able to determine that Q had brought him back to the very start of their journey. Unable to take any more games, Chakotay grabbed Q's arm, forcing him to a stop.

"What the hell are we doing here Q?"

"You know Chakotay, for one so balanced, you really are impatient. We're almost there."

He was right. They were heading for the mess hall. Neelix singing in the galley was just audible, as it had always been and, as the doors slid open, Chakotay knew exactly when they were. The mess hall was subdued; the few people who were sat weren't really talking to one another, and that included Tom and Harry. Some younger crew members were gathered round one of the coffee tables in the corner and B'Elanna was glowering at anyone who went near her. Despite himself, Chakotay couldn't help but smile as he thought about how much she had changed over the years. The moody, aggressive Klingon type who knocked out Carey on her first day was virtually unrecognizable from the balanced, driven woman who was now a wife and mother.

But Chakotay knew that they weren't here for B'Elanna. He remembered this day well. His eyes were drawn to the image of himself and the captain hiding in a corner. Her back was to the room and he was murmuring, barely audible, to her. This was the day that Harry had found the wormhole and they had found the Romulan on the other side. Chakotay remembered sitting here just after getting off duty. He glanced at Q who made no movement other than to nod towards the figures in the shadows of the bulkheads. He walked deliberately, as though afraid that one false move could reveal him to this time period and cause some real problems. As he rounded the table and sat next to himself, Chakotay remembered why the captain had insisted on sitting with her back to the room. She was crying. This had been the first time that he saw her cry and, to his dismay, certainly not the last. They'd come for coffee and she had just broken down. Leaning in close, he could hear the quiet conversation that they'd had.

"It's not your fault, captain," his younger self whispered, "We all got a little overexcited."

"That's not the point, Chakotay," she sobbed almost silently, "I'm meant to be above all that. I let Harry get so excited and then he just got let down. What sort of captain does that make me?"

"A damn good one," he murmured, "This crew needs something to keep their hopes alive. If they get let down once in a while, they get let down. Let them have the moment to believe at least."

The younger Kathryn wiped her eyes and reached across the table, taking her Chakotay's hand.

"Maybe you're right," she murmured.

Chakotay watched his younger self struggle for a moment from the sudden physical contact. He could remember painfully that it was around this time that the original physical attraction to Kathryn had begun to turn into something more, and how the simplest gesture like this had driven him mad. He was quite impressed that the younger him managed to formulate an answer at all.

"You can't beat yourself up about everything, captain. They trust you and they know that you don't intend for them to be hurt. Trust them back."

"Thank you Chakotay," she whispered, her hands still wrapped around his, when suddenly the scene froze. The older Chakotay looked around, completely lost in the moment. Q was perched on a table watching him. Without saying anything, he nodded in the direction of B'Elanna. Chakotay hadn't noticed at the time but her frozen eyes were watching the pair of them sat at the table. The expression on her face was strange, between amusement and resentment. At the same time, he noticed that Tom and Harry were also watching.

"So," he stood and made his way over to Q, "Not as private a moment as we thought then. I always wondered where they got their information from."

"What do you mean?" Q asked, his head tilted to one side, for once looking quite unsure of himself.

"The three of them were always convinced that Kathryn and I felt something for one another. I always denied it of course. But they always knew."

"They're not as stupid as they look, Chakotay. Especially this one."

As he spoke, Q prodded Tom in the chest. The lieutenant's slack jawed expression did nothing for him and always gave people the impression that he wasn't the shiniest spoon in the drawer. It was an unfortunate character trait in a man who really was rather clever.

"Q, why are we here? Why are you showing me this? I'm aware of what happened, you know."

"Yes, so I imagine. But are you really aware, Chakotay? I don't think you are. Let me show you something else, then I might answer your questions."

In the next second, Chakotay realised that they were no longer on Voyager at all. Rather, they were in a place that looked all too familiar.

"New Earth," he gasped, "I never thought I'd be back here."

The little house that he and Kathryn lived in was standing down the hill about a mile away. He could just make out the lights through the thick night air. Q began to walk. Neither of them spoke. The only sound was that of the wind in the trees, a sound that Chakotay still associated with his time with her. Somewhere in the distance, a monkey screamed. Vaguely wondering if it was the same one that had taken to them, Chakotay tried again with Q.

"Please tell me what's going on, Q. I don't understand any of this."

"Yes you do and you know you do."

"I know that you are bringing me to important moments in my relationship with Kathryn. But I don't know what your motives are. You always work to a motive."

Pretending to be hurt, Q eyed him lazily, "I don't _always _work to a motive. Sometimes I just do things for fun."

"Is this fun to you?" Chakotay bristled, "Taking me back through seven of the most painful years of my life?"

"Trust me, Chakotay, when I'm done you'll understand."

He had no time to think because they stumbled across the bath tub that he had built for her. Neither of them seemed to breathe as they watched her from the shadows, her eyes closed in a half sleep. She was beautiful. And it appeared that they weren't the only ones to think so. Chakotay spied his younger self watching from the house, half hidden in one of the shadows. Chakotay wasn't proud of this moment but he couldn't look away all the same. If he was honest, he'd watched most nights – not her getting in or out of the tub but whilst she was in there. She had never found out and he preferred to keep it that way. He felt like he had been intruding, although he hadn't seen anything to embarrass either of them. It was a self preservation thing.

Kathryn's eyes suddenly snapped open and stared into the forest on the opposite side of the clearing. Her voice rang out, loud and clear, as she called his name, grabbing her towel and climbing out of the bath. His young self came running from the house and they held a conversation so quietly that even from this vantage point, he couldn't hear what they said. What he did see, however, was the hand that he placed on her bare shoulder and the look that they shared for what seemed like an age afterwards. Blushing at the intensity of the moment, he turned to Q to see the alien's reaction. His grin was wicked and the raised eyebrow only added to the bravado of the moment.

"You should have kissed her, Chakotay."

"I know."

***

"We'll wait here, I think," Q decided, setting himself down on one of the biobeds, "It won't be very long."

"Very long until what?" Chakotay asked, staring at himself lying, apparently unconscious, on one of the other beds. The Doctor stood over him, the all too familiar look of worry on his face. Chakotay knew this look – it meant that whoever was on the bed was in trouble. The man on the bed wasn't in a good way; his tattoo was stark against his unusually pale skin and his breathing was shallow.

"Q, is this when we had the accident in the Delta Flyer?"

"Yes," the alien replied, his eyes closed.

A year and a half before they had got back to Earth, Chakotay and Tom had been sent on an away mission to investigate the possibility of landing on an apparently uninhabited planet in order for B'Elanna and her team to carry out essential repair work. It was a routine mission, until the Delta Flyer got caught in a freak storm and crashed, despite Tom's best efforts. Tom himself escaped with a broken arm and a few cuts and bruises but Chakotay had got into far worst trouble. In fact, by all accounts it had been touch and go for a while.

"What are we waiting for Q?" he asked, getting increasingly uncomfortable as he saw the Doctor fussing around the machines.

"See for yourself," the alien sighed, signaling the doors, which had just slid open. The captain strode towards the bed, a hand on the doctor's shoulder.

"How is he, Doctor?"

"Stable. If he makes it through the night, he'll be OK."

Chakotay watched Kathryn's face closely, unashamedly interested in how she was reacting to this situation. At the moment, she was giving nothing away.

"Can I have a moment alone with him, Doctor? I'll call you if anything goes wrong."

"That's fine," the Doctor began towards his room, "Try not to worry captain."

Chakotay's eyes followed the Doctor into his room. It was odd but now that he thought about it, the Doctor probably knew that something was happening between him and Kathryn. They seemed to end up in sickbay a lot and the hologram was far from blind. He knew, just as much as B'Elanna, Tom and Harry did. Hell, even Tuvok knew. It had never occurred to him that the crew was that perceptive. But they weren't just crew, they were friends.

Kathryn perched on the edge of his bed, his limp hand clasped between her own. For a while she didn't speak, apparently watching him breath. Every one in a while, she moved a hand and stroked his forehead or his face, his hair tangled in her fingers.

And then she was crying. Chakotay moved towards her before he remembered that he couldn't comfort her, so he stood close and listened to her sobbing, his heart hammering painfully in his chest. After a while, she began to speak.

"I'm sorry Chakotay. I should never have sent you on that mission. Please don't die, Chakotay," she murmured, "I need you. Please, don't leave me."

Her shoulders shook visibly as she leaned down and whispered in his ear, "I love you Chakotay. Please come back to me. I can't do this by myself."

And, before he barely had time to think, the scene faded and she was gone.

They were back in his apartment. Turning to Q, Chakotay spat, "Why the hell did we leave? We were in the middle of something."

"Not much happens," Q grinned, "She cries a bit more, talks to the Doctor and then goes back to her quarters. Three hours later you wake up. You know the rest."

"Did she mean it, Q?" Chakotay asked, sinking into a chair, "Did she really mean it?"

"Probably. How should I know? You humans can be so fickle."

"Q, what game are you playing?" he asked, his eyes blazing as he tried to stare the alien down. Q won. His unnerving eyes had always disturbed Chakotay who, for the most part, tried to avoid the alien whenever he was around. Q's chaotic nature was the direct opposite to Chakotay's spiritual and balanced temperament and he didn't appreciate the way in which Q appeared to be mocking him.

"Chakotay, do you remember the story of the good spirit and the grumpy old man?"

"Yes."

"Well, you know what comes next."

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Thank you everyone for the incredible reviews so far. I'm slightly overwhelmed by how much you seem to like this story *sob with gratitude*. So, to quote Q, 'You know what comes next'...**

The house which Owen Paris bought for Tom and B'Elanna was simple but comfortable. It nestled in the suburbs of San Francisco, not too far from the Academy where both were teaching, having decided that they'd had enough of space travel to last them a lifetime. Many of the cadets were incredibly excited at the prospect of having Tom Paris, the legendary Starfleet pilot, teaching them how to navigate and fly, and he loved the attention that he was getting. In a quieter way, B'Elanna was just as popular; some of her work on Voyager had been so ahead of its time that Starfleet was still trying to work out how her team had managed to do it.

Kathryn loved it here and was a guest at least once a week. Miral, now four months old, was starting to smile when she heard her voice. Sitting on a stool in the kitchen, Kathryn held the baby as her mother prepared dinner. B'Elanna was currently teaching her cadets about the space folding technology Voyager had come so close to obtaining in the early months of their journey.

"They keep trying to tell me that I should stick to the programme," she laughed, pulling a steaming dish from the oven, "But the kids keep asking me about stuff they've read. If they're interested, I can't tell them that they can't learn. I think I'm going to be in trouble soon."

Kathryn laughed, "They don't really have a chance with you, do they B'Elanna? I'll have to be defending you soon."

"Bring it on," she smiled, "Can you tell the boys that dinner is on the table in two minutes?"

"Of course."

Putting the baby carefully into the carrier that sat on the counter top, Kathryn wandered through to the lounge. By 'the boys' B'Elanna meant Tom and Harry who were watching the old TV that Tom had brought from Voyager. Their laughs suggested that they were watching one of the twentieth century cartoons that Tom loved so much. Kathryn watched for a moment from the doorway; a bizarre, bright yellow cat dressed in a rather natty top hat and bowtie appeared to be tormenting a hapless police officer and Tom and Harry were crying with laughter.

"Seven years lost in deep space," Kathryn said, stepping into the room, "And I trusted you with my life, yet this is what passes for entertainment. Mad."

"You'd love it if you gave it a chance," Tom cackled, leaping to his feet, "Is dinner ready?"

"Yes. I came to collect the children."

Three minutes later they were sat around the table tucking into B'Elanna's delicious stew. Since they got back to Earth, B'Elanna had been keen to try out the whole domestic thing and found that she had quite a talent for cookery. She and Tom had guests at least twice a week, although they were carefully selected so as to not cause ructions or discomfort. Kathryn and Chakotay had never been invited to dine on the same evening; normally Harry was there at the same time as Kathryn and Chakotay came with Seven or Michael Ayala. It just made life a little bit easier for everyone.

From the corner of the room, Chakotay and Q watched as the group ate. Miral was in her carrier on the couch and Chakotay sat near her. Every so often, when he moved, her eyes seemed to follow him. She even smiled a few times.

"Q?"

"Mmm?"

"I think Miral can see us."

"Yes, she probably can."

"How? Why-"

"Young humans are incredibly perceptive, Chakotay. It's only as you get older that you apes lose all your open mindedness. It's a shame really. You start off with such great potential and then let it go. No wonder you're barely taking your first steps into the great unknown. Now shut up and listen."

The talk at the table had inevitably turned to their crewmates, as it always did. Between the four of them, they were in touch with most of the crew in some way, even if it was just a floating piece of gossip that came from a source nine people down the line.

"Did you all hear that Naomi Wildman has been skipped two whole grades in school? Her teachers say that they have never met a child with such knowledge at her age," Kathryn smiled proudly, "Samantha says that is entirely down to her lessons on Voyager. Apparently, she is so far ahead in history that her teacher sets her assignments aimed at an eighth grade level."

"Well, she had a good teacher," Harry smiled ruefully. Chakotay had taught the youngster history with a passion that seemed to rub off on her. As soon as she was old enough, he started telling her stories and as soon as she could read he spent some time simplifying texts and articles for her to study until she was essentially reading the material straight from the original at the age of six. From his corner, Chakotay swelled with pride as he remembered how dedicated they both were to the cause.

"Chakotay _is _a good teacher," Kathryn murmured, as the conversation hushed, "I think we all learnt some lessons from him over the years."

Wordlessly, Tom reached out and placed his hand over Kathryn's. He smiled his crooked grin and tipped his head slightly to one side as though making a difficult decision.

"It's OK, Tom," Kathryn said, brushing her hair behind her ears with a spare hand, "I'm fine."

B'Elanna and Harry looked sympathetic as the topic was speedily changed to one slightly less painful.

Chakotay's mouth fell open and, looking to Q for answers and getting nothing but a blank look, turned back to the table. So they did know, quite implicitly actually. This minor breakdown was nothing new. At a loss, Chakotay walked to the table and bent down next to Kathryn, so close to her that he really been there he would have felt her breath on his face. Now he was close to her, he noticed how unwell she looked. She was certainly thinner, her hair greyer and the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced. From across the room, Q gestured first at her and then at Chakotay, slapping a hand against his chest as he did so in some kind of crude sign language that seemed to indicate his part in this whole new look. Could it really be him?

"Q, what are we doing here?" he asked, pulling himself away from Kathryn and towards the increasingly angry looking alien, "What's the point?"

"I'm trying to get you to realise something. We're almost there, but we've got a little while to go. When I'm ready, I'll make it obvious."

***

Kathryn slipped out of her casual dress and draped it over the chair next to her bed, pulling a nightdress on and padding to the bathroom to clean her teeth. A knock on the door made her start but she called out, "Come in, Mom. I'll be out in a minute."

Gretchen Janeway settled on the edge of her daughter's bed, just a few feet from where Chakotay was sat on the floor. He'd looked away when Kathryn got undressed – it seemed the right thing to do – but was awestruck by the beautiful woman who had gone to the bathroom dressed in a silk nightdress so delicate it looked like it would fall off if somebody touched it. Trying to get that image from his head, Chakotay considered that Kathryn was still as beautiful as she had been the first day he laid eyes on her. It had been a physical attraction to start with; he was man enough to admit that, but what man in his right mind would not be a little bit taken in by those eyes? She had bewitched him body and soul from their first moment, enchanted and amazed him everyday and he just couldn't find the words to tell her as much.

"Did you have a good evening, darling?" Gretchen asked as her daughter came back into the room.

"Of course, Mom, I always do. Although-"

"Although what?"

"He came up again. But this time it was me."

"Oh darling," Gretchen comforted, her arms wrapping themselves tightly around her daughter's shoulders, "It's not easy."

"I will start one day, Mom. I know that one day I'll wake up and not have him be my first thought in the morning and I know that one day I'll be able to go for a whole day without wanting to talk to him."

She sighed.

"But that seems like a long way off yet," she sniffed.

Gretchen appeared to be at a loss for words and could do nothing more than embrace her. They sat like that for a while, before Gretchen kissed her cheek and moved to stand.

"Try to sleep darling. You've not been looking well."

"I'm fine, Mom. Please don't worry. I need to get over this in my own way. But thank you for being there anyway."

"You're welcome Kathryn. I'll see you in the morning."

As the lights switched themselves off, Chakotay could only see of Q's face what was illuminated by the soft moonlight that crept in at the window.

"Was she talking ab-?"

"No, she was talking about Harry. Of course you, you stupid biped."

"But, why did she never tell me, Q? She knew what I felt but she always told me no. Why did we both deny ourselves when it's what we both wanted?"

"I'm not here to counsel, Chakotay; I'm here for the guided tour only."

"What are you doing, Q? What's in this for you?"

"I don't always need a motive, Chakotay. I can be caring, kind and –"

"I don't think so," the other man scoffed, "So tell me what you're doing."

With a roll of his eyes, Q suddenly lay down flat on his back and looked up at Chakotay who, in turn, kept half an eye on Kathryn lying in bed wide awake.

"I'm doing this, Chakotay, because Kathryn is my friend and I want to help her. She helped me indefinitely with my son and I want to repay her. I do have some sort of moral compass you know. I want to give her what she wants and what she wants-" he raised an eyebrow in disgust, "-is you."

"If I know my story, Q, we still have one more place to go and I don't think I'm going to like this one."

"I hope you don't," Q scoffed, "This is where I show you the money or, in the articulate words of Gretchen Janeway, give you a good kick in the ass."

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N I wasn't going to upload two today but I think this chapter ends on a much better cliff hanger *laughs in an evil manner*...**

The graveyard at the Academy was reserved for people who had made a real impact on Starfleet. Captain Jonathan Archer was buried there, under one of the oak trees that scattered the open space. Whatever way you looked at it though, it was still a graveyard and still a terrible place to be. It was tucked in behind the Academy complex, out of sight of all the buildings except the maintenance building, so that the technicians who ensured the day to day running of the Academy could keep an eye on it. The graves and memorials were not elaborate; the Earth tradition of marble had petered out somewhat over the years and the headstones in this graveyard were dark so that they would blend in more with the surroundings. Not many people came here; once the funeral was over and the mourners had left, not many people had a reason to visit again and again. The sad fact of the matter was that most of the people buried here had committed themselves so much to Starfleet that very few had families to speak of. No one ever really thought about that.

But Chakotay was thinking about it now.

He and Q were sat about six feet from a modest, dark plaque that marked the grave of Admiral Kathryn Janeway. Crouched over the plaque was a rather forlorn figure, a man with rapidly graying hair and a dark tattoo. Chakotay watched himself kneel over her grave, a sense of foreboding beginning to wash over him as the older man struggled to contain the sobs that were racking his body. He leaned closer to hear what the man was saying.

"I'm so sorry, Kathryn," Chakotay said, "I'm sorry I left it too late. Please don't think I didn't love you Kathryn."

For a moment, he was overcome and sat rocking backwards and forwards, thick tears rolling down his aging face. From this angle, Chakotay thought that the older man looked about sixty five. So this was only twenty years down the line. That thought troubled him and he turned to Q for confirmation.

"What year is it, Q?"

"Read the headstone, Chakotay. They tend to have dates on them."

The writing was hard to make out but eventually he managed to make it out through the heavy drizzle that wasn't giving up any time soon.

2399.

So he was right, to the year. This was only twenty years down the line.

"Q, why is she dead?" he asked urgently, grabbing the alien's arm, "What happened to her?"

Q seemed to hesitate before answering.

"I think you humans call it overwork. Kathryn had nothing to live for, except work, and in the end it killed her."

Unable to formulate an answer, Chakotay turned back to himself to hear the rest of what his older self had to say.

"I didn't mean for it to end this way, Kathryn. I still love you. If I could – if I could change everything I did, I would. I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm so sorry."

Raising a trembling hand to his lips, he kissed it and gently touched her name on the gravestone, before standing up and turning away, unchecked tears still running down his face.

"I miss you, Kathryn," he choked, "Everyday."

And then he left, stumbling across the graveyard with his jacket wrapped tightly around him. Chakotay took his place in front of the plaque and stared at the words on it, unable to believe what Q was showing him.

"Does she die because of me, Q?"

"Not directly, but the fact that you swan off with the pet Borg probably doesn't help."

"Don't call her that, Q. She's more than that."

"I know she is. To you, at least."

"No. Not in that way. Not now."

"Really? What happened?"

"We're still together. Nothing's happened yet but we both are beginning to realise that we've made a mistake."

Chakotay suddenly felt Q grab his shoulders and looked up into a mad pair of eyes, sparkling with menace.

"Then do something about it! Don't let yourselves end up like this."

"Q, what's the game? You've never pretended to like me very much."

"I don't like you. But I do like Kathryn and I want her to have a good life."

"But-"

"No buts, Chakotay. If you let Kathryn end up like this, I will drop you on the nearest airless planet and watch you suffocate."

"I have one question, Q."

"What now?"

"Is anything you have shown me a lie? Does this all really happen?"

"Yes, unless you make a move. The ball's in your court Chakotay. Make me proud."

And the next thing Chakotay knew, he was lying on his bed with a daisy from the graveyard crushed in his hand.

_To be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Thanks again for all the reviews so far everyone. We're onto the good stuff now...**

The next day, Chakotay was resolved. If Q was telling him the truth, which he was pretty sure of, then he knew what he had to do. The thought of doing it just terrified him a little bit, that was all. For seven years, he had done nothing more than hint to the captain as to how he was feeling and by tonight, his heart sang, she might be his. But if that was going to happen, then something else had to happen first.

During a free lesson that day, Chakotay sent a message via cadet to Seven, asking her to meet him at their bench in the Academy grounds that evening when they both got off work. The reply was short and to the point.

_I'll be there. I look forward to seeing you._

Imagining Seven saying those words, Chakotay knew that the second sentence was an after thought, something that she added because she thought it was right, not because she really meant it. For a while, Chakotay had believed that he could learn to read between the lines when it came to Seven and draw comfort from what he found there, but now he realised that the two were just not meant to be. He was a passionate man, and he needed someone fiery to fight back, to show him equal passion. Seven just wasn't the right person for that. Kathryn always was, and maybe she still would be.

***

The strength of the August sun was dwindling as he took his seat on the usual bench where he and Seven had spent some snatched moments during the last three or so months. A cool breeze blew across the grounds of the Academy and he tried not to think of the way in which it would be shaking the leaves on the oak trees in the graveyard just around the corner. At that moment, Seven approached, sharpening his wandering mind and getting him back to the task in hand.

"Good evening, Chakotay," she said, taking the hand he offered her and sitting next to him, "How was your day?"

"Tiring," he answered truthfully, "I had a lot to think about."

"As did I."

Carefully, Chakotay eyed Seven. She seemed on the verge of saying something else but then deciding to swallow it.

"Is there something on your mind, Seven?" he asked, his dark eyes searching her face.

"Yes, there is," she inhaled deeply through her nose, "I have never done this before, Chakotay, so I will just go ahead. I don't think that we should continue our relationship."

Rendered speechless, Chakotay was only able to listen as she justified her decision.

"It is not that I haven't found our time together pleasurable but I wish at this time to concentrate fully on my work and also to integrate myself into Earth life and culture. I hope I have not upset you."

"No, Seven, I'm just a little surprised. If I'm honest, I came to tell you the same thing."

Something similar to relief washed over Seven's face.

"I'm glad that we both feel the same way. I would not have liked to leave you in any other way."

Chakotay smiled as he recognised words that belonged to Seven but ideas that most certainly belonged to the Doctor.

"I'm glad too, Seven, but I do have something more to say. Tonight, I am going to visit Captain Janeway and I'm going to tell her that I love her. I just want you to know. Please don't think that I didn't feel anything for you, because I did, but I love her so much."

Seven blinked and for one awful moment, he thought that he had managed to upset her.

"You do not need my permission, Chakotay. We have just terminated our relationship. You are now free to do whatever you want."

"Yes but-" Chakotay heard what he was going to say in his head and stopped himself. There was no point confusing Seven further.

"Thank you Seven," he murmured, kissing her on the cheek as they both stood, "For everything."

"I return the sentiment. Goodbye Chakotay."

"Bye," he whispered, watching her walk away. Guilt rose in his chest for a moment until it was battered by a tiny voice that said it was mutual, she seemed happy enough and that the longer he stood here moping the less time he had in the rest of his life to spend with Kathryn.

_You hope you have to spend with her, _another small voice interjected, _you might have blown it already_.

***

The second Kathryn returned home, she knew something was going on. Gretchen Janeway had never been able to lie to her daughter and when Kathryn picked up on the nervous energy, she asked the question with little hesitation. Gretchen Janeway couldn't hold back an answer.

"Mom," Kathryn asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she watched Gretchen almost drop a saucepan, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, darling, nothing's wrong," she gasped, her voice false and way too upbeat, "I'm just feeling a little out of sorts, that's all."

"Why?"

"No reason, darling. What makes you think anything is wrong?"

"Because," Kathryn moved to hug her mother, "I happen to know you and you're lying to me."

Gretchen's lip trembled and her daughter's playful smile melted away to a look of concern.

"Mom? You're worrying me."

"I couldn't say no, darling. He asked to see you and he seemed so sad and I couldn't say no."

"Who Mom?"

"Chakotay. He's out back waiting for you."

Trying to keep the mild panic from her face, Kathryn forced herself to speak.

"What's he doing here?"

"He just said he wanted to see you. Shall I tell him to go?"

"No, Mom, we're both adults. I'll go and see him."

Hesitantly, Kathryn made her way into the garden. This had always been her favourite place and the thing she dreamed about most when they were stuck in the Delta Quadrant. When she and her sister Phoebe were younger, their father had helped them build a house in the biggest tree, and the basic skeleton was still there. Phoebe's kids sometimes still played in it. One of their favourite games had been choosing a target in the pond next to the tree and throwing small stones from the treehouse to try and get closest. She could just make out the pond from here; it was in the shadow of the tree but the moonlight that did reach it rippled over the water. The shadows of tiny insects danced across the smooth surface. It was so quiet that she half fancied she could hear their wings fluttering.

And there, crouched over the water with a hand lazily breaking the surface was Chakotay. For some reason that she was unable to determine, the fact that he was stirring up the perfect water irritated her and she strode to talk to him, a new a courage taking hold. How dare he turn up like this and expect her to be ready to talk to him.

"Chakotay?" she called, her voice sounding harsher than she expected but not worrying her in the slightest.

He started, falling onto his back. She stood over him, an eyebrow raised and an unwelcoming look on her face.

"Hello Kathryn," he smiled uneasily, trying to read her emotion and failing miserably, "It's good to see you."

Weakening slightly at the smile she had always been unable to resist, Kathryn sat on the grassy bank next to him. He pulled himself up onto an elbow and looked her straight in the eye.

"How are you Kathryn? It's been too long."

The empathy in his voice was crystal clear and, for one panicked moment, she wondered what her mother had told him before chastising herself for ever thinking that her mother would betray her like that. He must just have been guessing.

"What are you doing here, Chakotay?" she asked bluntly.

His eyes darkened and he sat up, folding his legs neatly underneath himself and picked a single white flower from the pond's edge. Wordlessly, he held it out and, despite herself, Kathryn took it.

"I've been running through this all day in my head, Kathryn and I still don't know what to say."

"What are you talking about, Chakotay?"

He leaned closer and the sudden intensity on his face actually made her gasp.

"I've been stupid, Kathryn and I want you to forgive me. Please."

"Are you talking about what I think you're talking about?" she murmured, teasing the flower petals between her fingers, suddenly unable to look him in the eye.

"I love you, Kathryn," he whispered, "And I need you to love me back."

Flinching, she snatched back the hand that he tried to take.

"And what about Seven, Chakotay? Have you forgotten about her?"

_Like you forgot about me,_ she wanted to add.

"Seven and I aren't together anymore. It was a mutual decision before you ask. I just couldn't keep up the act anymore. I love you."

The bile in Kathryn's throat fought viciously with the swell of her heart and, momentarily, seemed to be winning.

"For how long, Chakotay? Until the next time someone catches your eye?"

The hurt on his face was perfectly justified and she felt immediately guilty. Their life together had never been black and white but both of them were perfectly aware that she was the one who had held her cards close to her chest. He'd waited years for her. She'd blown it, not him and if he had just spoken to her in that way, she would already have stormed off. It was testament to his gentle, forgiving nature that he was still standing in front of her.

"God, I'm sorry Chakotay," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry."

The next thing Kathryn became aware of was his arms around her and his soft voice in her ear.

"I'm sorry too, Kathryn."

"Don't be," she clung to him, all the wasted years of their lives threatening to tear him away from her, "You've always been honest. I'm a horrible person, Chakotay. You deserve so much better."

"But it's you I need," and suddenly he was crying with sheer frustration, "Please."

Pulling back for a moment, Kathryn considered his face, so earnest and open. Fearing she was about to close up, he tried one last time.

"Let's not waste anymore time, Kathryn."

Unable to speak, she kissed the tears that were drying on his face. He caught her lips with his own and kissed her gently.

"Thank you for waiting, Chakotay," she murmured into his mouth.

"If I had to do it again, I would."

***

For what seemed like an age, they sat in the garden and talked, giving voice to everything that they had been unable to say on Voyager. At some point, he reached for her hand and that time, she didn't pull away. When it got too cold to sit outside, they stayed there anyway. Chakotay shrugged off his leather jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. Surreptitiously, she smelled the collar of the jacket; it had that reassuring scent she had come to look forward to on Voyager, a mixture of aftershave, a sweet sort of sweat and something that she just couldn't determine. There was almost something animal about it. Whatever it was, it was wonderful. With a flush, she noticed him watching her and changed the subject before his sly grin became downright indecent.

Reaching up to stroke his tattoo with the back of her hand, she murmured, "Do you know, the worst day out there was when I thought I lost you."

He was silent, waiting for her to elaborate.

"When you and Tom crashed on that planet, I came to visit you in sickbay. I made a bit of a fool of myself. I said...I said..."

"I know."

"You were unconscious! Weren't you?"

"Let's just say that a good spirit helped me to realise a few home truths."

"I see," she rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly remembering that she hadn't seen Q again after his visit and understanding why, "I think I know what you're talking about but I'm not going to ask."

"A very wise decision."

"I always trust my angry warrior."

With a smile so satisfied it was almost arrogant, he kissed her hand, "You remembered, after all this time?"

"I could never forget, Chakotay. No one has ever said anything more wonderful to me."

"And I meant every word," he kissed her nose, "I love you, Kathryn."

"I love you too. I'm only sorry it took so long to say it."

_To be continued... _


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Just a little one before the big finale...**

_Three months later..._

Kathryn woke as the Californian sun streamed in the window, and stretched luxuriously. She couldn't stretch far; in the way was the solid, sleeping form of Chakotay. He always looked so peaceful when he slept, and the tiny smile on his face never seemed to fade. She liked to imagine what he dreamt of when he slept; her favourite idea was of him running free with his animal guide in some untouched forest. She made a note to ask him some time.

"Chakotay?" she shook him gently, "Time to get up my love."

"Do I have to?" he groaned, "Can't I stay here with you?"

"I wish," she murmured against his mouth, "But those cadets won't teach themselves."

"Damn kids."

"Come on."

"OK," he sighed in mock resignation, "I'll get up as long as you promise to marry me."

Kathryn was already halfway out of bed and, for a moment, didn't seem to hear what he had said. Chakotay watched her with great amusement as his words suddenly registered and she turned to him with shock widened eyes.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me Kathryn," he smiled, handing her a small purple box, "So am I getting up today or not?"

"Well if it's the only way," she joked, climbing back onto the bed and kissing him, "I suppose I'm going to have to say yes!"

_To be continued..._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Thank you everyone for your great reviews and I'm glad so many of you have enjoyed this story. We've reached the end now and it's a lovely, not too cheesy but cheesy enough happy ending. Because everyone loves a wedding...**

_Four months later..._

When Chakotay woke, he was unsure for a minute why his stomach was tied in knots. This was his sister's spare room, he slept here often and it didn't usually make him feel any different. A knock on the door caught his attention.

"Get up old man! It's time for breakfast. You can't do this on an empty stomach." called the impossibly cheerful voice of Michael Ayala, his best man.

And then he remembered why he felt so strange. Best man. Kathryn. Wedding. He was getting married today.

Swinging his legs over the side of bed, he padded to the bathroom.

"Morning, sunshine," Q grinned, laying in the empty bath.

Chakotay almost fell over in surprise.

"You're making a bad habit of this, Q," he spluttered, when he had time to slow his heart down.

"But it's so much fun," the alien smiled.

"I didn't think I'd be seeing you again," Chakotay said, splashing some cold water on his face, "You never came back."

"Well, I missed out the boring part, obviously. But I know what happened. Well done," he raised an eyebrow, "It's nice to know that you can do something simple."

"Have you come here to insult me, Q?" Chakotay smiled wryly.

"Of course," Q jumped up and looked Chakotay defiantly in the eye, "Do you remember that I don't like you?"

"Of course," Chakotay repeated what Q had said, "And I would have returned the sentiment a year ago."

"What does that mean?"

"You know what I mean. Thank you, Q. I owe you a lot."

"Don't be stupid, Chakotay," Q chuckled, "_You _could never do anything for me."

"Thank you all the same. Are you coming today? I'm sure Kathryn would like to see you."

Q pulled a face, "I don't do organised events. I need to go and see what sort of havoc that son of mine is wreaking in my absence."

He disappeared, reappeared as suddenly and added as an afterthought, "Don't mess it up Chakotay. Make me proud."

"Thank you Q."

***

The majority of the congregation was made up of the crew of Voyager. Kathryn and Chakotay's families sat at the front and then Harry, acting as groomsman and directing people to their seats, gave up on categorizing the crew as either 'bride' or 'groom' and just sent them to whatever side looked slightly more empty. The whole crew capable of attending was there. When Seven arrived with the Doctor and Reg Barclay, Harry discretely sent them in the direction of the 'bride' side. It would make less any awkward feelings on Chakotay's part, because Seven herself was completely over her time with the groom. Joe Carey's wife, Lisa, arrived with her eldest son; Kathryn had thought it right to invite her to represent her husband, whom would have certainly been at the wedding. Harry escorted her personally to a seat on Chakotay's side; she was a quiet, good humored woman and over the months, many crew members had been to visit her to share their memories of Joe.

Mild hysteria ensued when the great Captain Jean-Luc Picard arrived with his wife Doctor Beverley Crusher. Harry battled to keep his excitement under control in the presence of the great man. Icheb had been asked by Kathryn to escort Picard and introduce him to the crew members throughout the day; in his immaculate cadet's uniform (and with "The best job of the day," as Harry put it) the young man was swelling with pride.

As the time drew nearer to the ceremony, Harry shot Chakotay more frequent glances. He was stood at the front next to Michael, and the anxiety on his face multiplied with every second that ticked past. The sheer warmth of the day wasn't helping anyone to stay calm and under control. They were marrying in the beautiful old church where Gretchen had married Edward so many years before. Surprisingly, it had been Chakotay who suggested it, after hearing Gretchen mention it and going to look at the church for himself. The ceiling was high and the building should have been cool but the southern summer sun had other ideas. At the altar, Michael had removed his jacket for a few minutes, although Chakotay persevered and refused to remove his own.

By two o'clock, the guests were in place and Harry, winking at Chakotay, slipped out and headed to where the bride was waiting. The party out here was quite large; Kathryn's nephew Richie was acting as ring bearer whilst her niece Kim, along with Naomi Wildman, Chakotay's niece Maya and the just able to toddle Miral Paris-Torres were flower girls. As a nod to where Kathryn and Chakotay started, four year old Richie wore a miniature Starfleet uniform. The girls wore dresses of light blue satin, which matched the bridesmaids Phoebe and B'Elanna.

"Don't you two look beautiful?" Harry smiled, kissing B'Elanna shyly on the cheek.

"Aren't I a lucky son of a devil?" Tom Paris, the third groomsman, grabbed his wife around the waist.

"Tom," she moaned, "Stop it, you'll mess up the dress."

"Yeah, hands off Paris," Phoebe laughed, "You're my escort today. B'Elanna has to put up with Harry."

"What do you mean, put up with me?"

"All the ladies love a Paris, Har-"

Tom was cut off by the door to a small side room opening. Gretchen hurried out to go and take her place amongst the congregation, and then Kathryn emerged, closely followed by Tuvok. It was the first time that Tom or Harry had seen Kathryn in her dress and they were rendered speechless. Tom managed a long, low whistle as she took the self conscious turn that Phoebe demanded. The dress was simple but stunning, clinging in all the right places.

"Thank you for your approval, Tom," she smiled shyly, "And yours Harry."

Harry's 'approval' was a blank look accompanied by a slight twitch in his eye. B'Elanna grabbed his arm and steered him in the right direction, shaking her head at Phoebe behind his back.

"Are you ready, Auntie Kathryn?" Kim asked, "Can we go now?"

"Yes sweetheart."

As Richie led off, the cushion held in front of him as though his whole world revolved around it, Tuvok held out his arm, "Shall we proceed?"

"Of course. Thank you for doing this Tuvok."

"It is an honour."

If it was possible for a Vulcan to beam with pride, Tuvok did as they made their way down the aisle. He didn't 'beam' in the obvious way; rather, pride seemed to ooze from him although his face remained impassive. In the absence of her father, Kathryn had been unable to think of anyone else more qualified to give her away than her best friend. She briefly considered the sedate figure he cut. Out of all the future that Admiral Janeway had warned her of, Tuvok's was the most devastating. Kathryn was grateful everyday that they'd been able to save him from that fate.

Richie reached the front and stood next to his new uncle. Chakotay ruffled his hair and bent to whisper in his ear. The youngster giggled and held his cushion closer to him. As the flower girls took their places and the two pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen split off, Chakotay saw Kathryn for the first time. Tom and Harry couldn't help but smirk at the look on his face, making a silent bet that Chakotay was going to stumble over his words.

They were right. Kathryn kissed Tuvok's cheek and then turned to face her fiancé. Chakotay's expression answered every question she may have had and then the ceremony careered on. Chakotay did have some trouble keeping his tongue under control, which caused slight hilarity amongst the unruly groomsmen and made Richie turn to silently berate them. Needless to say, he did shut them up.

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and the vow I make today," Chakotay murmured, sliding the thin silver band onto Kathryn's slim finger. The tears she had successfully held at bay regrouped for a final attack and this time succeeded.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

As Chakotay gathered her for the kiss, Tom and Harry led a cheer from Voyager's crew. The tension between the command team hadn't failed to reach anyone during their seven years together and it was quite frankly a relief to know things had finally worked out.

***

Chakotay stood to make his speech, but didn't let go of Kathryn's hand which he had been holding under the table. Public speaking was not a forte.

"I don't really have much to say that Michael hasn't already said so I'll be brief. I'd like to pass on my thanks to all of you, individually. I know that whilst we were on Voyager many of you were perfectly aware that Kathryn and I should have been together. In fact, I'd like to congratulate Charlie Dempsey for finally winning Tom's betting pool."

A laugh went up as one of the young crewmen from engineering raised his glass.

"And so I'd like to thank you all for still believing in Kathryn and myself as a couple, even after all that time. Most of you believed in us way more than we believed in ourselves. We found our way in the end and I for one am still speechless that I can call Kathryn my wife. I think I'll always be speechless. So, to conclude, I'd like to make a toast to the wedding party, my new 'father in law' Tuvok and to my lovely Kathryn."

"To Kathryn!" the crowd echoed.

"And finally to all of you. I am perfectly aware that without the contribution of our entire crew, I wouldn't be stood here making this speech."

The cheer was deafening as Chakotay took his seat and kissed Kathryn. He was visibly shaking with nerves.

"The great Commander Chakotay, scared of a little public speaking," she teased, "I'll tell everyone what a baby you are."

"Go ahead and tell them," he growled, "They're not the ones married to me for the rest of their lives."

"No way," she whispered, the pair of them lost in the general furor of the moment, "You're all mine."

***

Late that night, when the last couples were twirling slowly around the dance floor, Chakotay thought, just for a second, that he saw Q standing by the pond. His face was half bathed in light with the other half lit by a satisfied smirk. When Chakotay looked again, he was gone.

"Are you thinking about your good spirit, my love," Kathryn murmured into his chest.

Surprised, he grinned, "How did you know?"

The light tinkle of her laugh caressed his ears, "He came to see me this morning. I assumed that he paid you a visit as well."

Shaking his head, the look of helplessness on Chakotay's face made her smirk.

"He said that he wasn't going to visit you."

"When have you ever known Q to tell the truth if he can possibly help it?"

"True. What did he say to you?"

She laughed, "He told me that it wasn't too late for me to marry him instead. He was joking, I could tell. And then he said something really un-Q."

"What was that?"

"He said that he hoped we have a good life together. And he meant it as well. I haven't known Q to be so sincere."

"Sounds like he was saying goodbye."

"That's what I thought. I hope he wasn't, in a way. I'd like to see him again."

Chakotay bent his head and kissed her tenderly.

"I'm sure we will. He doesn't trust me with you at all."

"I wonder why he did it?" she sighed into his chest. He picked her up bodily and kissed her again, ignoring the raucous laughter and catcalls from his slightly drunken groomsmen.

"I don't know exactly what game he was playing," he breathed in her ear, "But I certainly won."


End file.
